The Narcissist’s Cycle: Why They Always Come Back to Discard You
Introduction: Understanding the Narcissist’s Cycle
Narcissists are known for their toxic behavior and manipulative tendencies. Understanding the cycle of a narcissistic relationship can be crucial for those who have experienced the pain of being discarded by a narcissist only to have them come back into their lives.
The Idealization Phase: Love-Bombing and Charm
During the idealization phase, a narcissist will shower their victim with love, affection, and attention. This is often referred to as "love-bombing," where the narcissist goes out of their way to make their victim feel special and adored. They may charm their victim with compliments, gifts, and grand gestures, making them feel like they are the center of the narcissist’s world.
Signs of Love-Bombing
- Excessive flattery and compliments
- Overwhelming attention and affection
- Quick progression in the relationship
The Devaluation Phase: Pushing You Away
As the relationship progresses, the narcissist’s behavior starts to change. They may become critical, controlling, and dismissive of their victim. This is known as the devaluation phase, where the narcissist starts to push their victim away and belittle them. They may start to criticize their victim’s appearance, intelligence, or abilities, causing them to doubt themselves and their worth.
Warning Signs of Devaluation
- Verbal abuse and insults
- Gaslighting and manipulation
- Emotional distancing and cold behavior
The Discard Phase: Leaving You Behind
After the devaluation phase, the narcissist may abruptly discard their victim without any warning or explanation. They may disappear from their victim’s life, ignore their calls and messages, or even ghost them completely. The discard phase can be devastating for the victim, leaving them feeling abandoned, confused, and heartbroken.
Impact of the Discard
- Emotional trauma and distress
- Loss of self-esteem and confidence
- Feelings of betrayal and abandonment
The Hoovering Phase: Why They Come Back
Despite discarding their victim, narcissists often have a tendency to come back into their lives. This is known as hoovering, where the narcissist attempts to reestablish contact with their victim and reignite the relationship. They may use various tactics to draw their victim back in, such as apologies, promises of change, or even threats and manipulation.
Reasons for Hoovering
- Need for validation and control
- Fear of abandonment and rejection
- Desire for narcissistic supply
FAQs
1. Why do narcissists cycle through idealization and devaluation?
Narcissists cycle through idealization and devaluation to maintain control and power over their victims. By creating a cycle of highs and lows, they keep their victims emotionally dependent on them.
2. Is hoovering a common behavior among narcissists?
Yes, hoovering is a common behavior among narcissists as they seek to maintain their sources of narcissistic supply and continue to manipulate and control their victims.
3. How can victims of narcissistic abuse break the cycle?
Victims of narcissistic abuse can break the cycle by setting boundaries, seeking therapy, and surrounding themselves with a strong support system. It is important for victims to prioritize their own well-being and mental health.
4. Can a narcissist change their behavior and stop cycling through relationships?
While it is possible for narcissists to seek help and change their behavior, true change is rare. Narcissists often lack empathy and self-awareness, making it challenging for them to break free from their toxic patterns.
5. What are the long-term effects of being in a narcissistic relationship?
Being in a narcissistic relationship can have long-term effects on a victim’s mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being. It is important for victims to seek professional help and support in order to heal from the trauma of narcissistic abuse.
Conclusion
In conclusion, understanding the narcissist’s cycle and why they always come back to discard you can help victims of narcissistic abuse to break free from toxic relationships and reclaim their power. By recognizing the warning signs and patterns of narcissistic behavior, victims can take steps to protect themselves and prioritize their own well-being. Remember, you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness in a healthy relationship.